He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
