just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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