I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
