Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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