I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
