party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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