I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
