Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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