every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
