i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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