I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
