This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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