My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
