I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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