dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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