id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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