This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
