Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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