u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
