Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
