Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
