I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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