my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
