Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
