How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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