we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He passed out mid-signature
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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