Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We just shotgunned beers for America
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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