I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
