im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
