You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
