i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
