you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
