Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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