I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
