You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
