got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
