i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.