Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
