I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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