how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
