I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
