Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
