He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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