Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
