who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
