I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
