can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
