how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
