I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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