remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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