he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
