I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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