i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
