he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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