i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just googled if crying burns calories
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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