I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
