Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
