we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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