singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
