wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
