whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
