thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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