when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
