I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
