I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
