the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
