this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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