ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
